So, I had to rush-clear the top of the microwave yesterday (those who...know my kitchen are all a-gasp at this ) for matters electrical. I had 4 minutes from bed to electrician (and remember - sick and no coffee). Untold amount of shit in a bag. The top of this appliance, like so many other household area, resembles an....archaeological dig. (Fact : last time I was in my closet - I actually found a part of a party hat from my...bachelorette party. I have been married for 22 years.) My favorite thing I found in the rubble this morning were teeny-tiny clothespins and a cereal box laser ring. Score.
So, I follow around the mess from yesterday - kind of like combing the beach after a tsunami. I opt for the bag 'o' crap. A few layers in, I see an enormous black shadow. I almost think I can hear that ghost-towny whistling from The Good/Bad/Ugly. I muster all the murderous rage I can (surprisingly close to the surface - hey, who left that laying around ?) and begin to shout and corner and squish. It is a colossal being. BLACK. Black like my soul. My first instinct is to saddle it. I let down my guard for half a breath - and guess who is s still alive and charging ? Yep. Huge and black. And coming right at me. Dammit !
I have no recourse : I gag and seal up the bag, roll it up like it's on fire. I am screaming. Then, I rubberband the bitch. Out the front door it goes. Bam.
I called Chief at work, to warn him of the Spider Bag outside the front door. He said okay and had to take a call on the other line. A call more important than mine ? What part of "spider bag" didn't he understand ? But later he called back and said that it really better be a big spider. I reiterated : it was angry and advancing rapidly toward me. I don't just bag up and exile this shit for my health.
Later, I pick Sparky up and warn her of the Spider Bag. She takes it in stride : my child who, somehow, sees nothing I do as being ridiculous. (Missy, her elder, is regularly appalled at me : when I text her vignettes from my day, I get back things like "Jesus Christ, Ma !", "Oh My God !", and "Never cease to amaze...")
So, dinner is served (Chief take the trouble to set a place at the table for the zit on my chin) - and no one seems very het up about the bag. After the zit clears the dinner dishes, Chief starts to dump the Spider Bag in the garbage (? !). Who in their right mind would just bag a spider ? I shout : "That is not trash - it is household items. The Spider is in there - doesn't anyone care ?!"
I'm starting to think that I am the only one.
No comments:
Post a Comment